Hidden in the Shadows

 

 

 

 

By: Tony Lavale Jefferson, Jr.

 

 Stay strong young blood your time will come

Love will find you and keep you warm

You can never keep a strong person down

Their soul will rise as does the sun

And that light that shines down upon the world

Is the same light that brightens the heart

I tried to bring that light to you

But you hid in the shadows of misery

Comforted  by the demons you hold

Afraid to try to erase your fears

Scared I’d be just like one of them

What you must understand is that life isn’t perfect

No stairway to heaven is in this place

So in order to cope you must show your face

The true one

Not the mask you chose to hide behind

Give love a chance to fester and grow

Or go back down that road you’ve traveled

Never knowing what love can offer

 

Truth is

 

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

 

Truth is, for the longest time I’ve had a heavy heart

Filled with expectations not of my own

I never fronted

I was always me

I just kept inside what I really felt

Truth is I hate most things

Truth is I wake in the morning and ask why

Not a day goes by, that there isn’t someone I want to hurt

The same way I hurt daily

Why you ask, do I feel that way?

I myself don’t know and it only adds to the pain

I’m not a very good friend

Nor am I the best spouse

I’m selfish and self centered

I hate the word love

There are times where I question my faith

Because in reality where has it really gotten me

Through it all I had a smile as fake as faux leather

As fake as Fox News

Truth is I hate Republicans

Because they represent everything I really hate.

I wish I didn’t feel this way, but it seems there is no choice

When people give me words of encouragement, I dismiss it

No way can that positive thing you said could happen to me

I stick with the negative

Cause it’s as real as most bastards claim to be

Ya’ll created a monster, that can’t be silenced even by a bullet

Somehow I still survive

Somehow I still prosper

I don’t try, cause I wonder what is it truly worth

I’m working my way to a cold grave

Where nothing I did on earth matters

So why try to deny the fact

Impress you

Why bother

Love you I think not

Cause in the end

The truth is

Not real either

 

Tired of Being the Fool

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

How could you ever walk away?

After all I’ve done for you

Took kindness and made it a useless gesture

Breaking my heart beyond repair

You watched them beat me mentally

Emotionally scarring me

You stood by while they slandered my name

And still I stood by

Still I provided

Still I paved a way

For your success

Your best interest was always mine

But mine was never yours

I was only a way out

A way away from that ghetto you were destined to rot in

The same ghetto I made it out of

You should understand my plight

But that around the way dick was too much to lose

I guess

Mine is just as good

But the next one will get better

Guess I’ll never learn my lesson

Being someone else’s fool

 

Drudge

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

Dragged through the filth of society

I was thrown to the hungry wolves

Naked

Alone

Where they ravaged my heart for eternity

Long suffering the trials of life

My soul is depleted

Empty of life

Only sustained by the hope of better days

Better days to do better things

I accompanied misery on a trip round town

If was as if I was invisible

No one cared to care that misery was taking its stroll

Making them love less

Lonely

No one to share the pain

No one to console the aching mind

Tired

Plagued it seems

Like sickness flowing from an open sore

The meek promised so much

But in the end bound for an eternity in hell

Stay strong

Stay positive

It’ll be over soon

But you’re not here nor am I there

No amount of money in the world is worth this test

And the drudge continues….

 

To my Unborn

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

You’ve breathed life into my veins

This is a love I’ve never felt

Happiness for the first time in my life I’m feeling

From the first heartbeat to your smile inside the womb

I know I’m yours and you are mine

Pleasant melodies dance in my head

Thinking of the future when you finally arrive

A father

Something I’m starting to comprehend

Unlike the deadbeat daddy I had

Who choked at the thought of responsibility

I will be the best

You will want for nothing you need

I pledge my life to you

Life won’t stop your heart before mine

God willing

I love you

And I can honestly say it’s true

True love I’m finally experienceing

And it’s all because of you

This is to my unborn

Olivia Jade Jefferson

I love you

Your father for life and after death

Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

Heartbroken

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

Will the love of a lover ever come again?

To send those butterflies flying in the wind

Filling my heart with so much joy

Only in the end to be played like a toy

Cupid’s arrow shot my way

But my heart has hardened and there it will stay

Broken pieces of love long lost

Why pick me to pay such a cost

So how do I continue the goodness of my heart?

When I know they’ll always play their part

Promiscuity is at its worse

Emotionless

Affection shot dead by selfish desires

Desolate landscapes of loves skeletons

Lost in an endless evil

All alone at night you cry

Wishing it all would pass you by

 

Before my Demise

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

I wanna love and be loved like never before

To toss my problems right out the door

To stand in the shadow of greatness

Or to feel the touch of a sweet caress

Before my demise I’d love to just watch the sky

And feel the raindrops as God cries

To stand at the mountaintop to observe and reflect

Or be among friends and not feel neglect

Yes, before my demise I wish life to be grand

Like an activist feels after taking a stand

A sense of accomplishment is what I seek

But I know I haven’t even reached my peak

There are many roads to travel

Many miles to drive

Many tears to shed

Many smiles to smile

Before my demise

 

Agonizing Pain

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

I grit my teeth as I take a step

The absolute worse pain I’ve ever felt

Feels like railroad spikes being pounded into my back

And my leg goes numb from the agonizing strife

I never knew a pain this deep

To stop me in my tracks I could no longer even walk

This spasm prone mess of nerves and muscle

Has finally given me too much trouble

I sit on the floor to wait the pain out

But it gets worse and worse as time passes by

I must have been on that floor for a very long time

Cause by the time someone came it was well past 2

I sat on that ground at a quarter to 1

Wow! What the hell can subdue me for so long?

Two little nerves running through my back

Compressed by bad disc that has seen much stress

I’m rushed to the hospital but to no avail

Cause the pain I felt then I still feel today

But today I can walk without a crutch, without a cane, without a push

But still it’s there that thing called pain

Ready and waiting to subdue me again

 

Silent Tears

 

By:  Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

These tears I cry

Well up deep inside

They aren’t seen by the naked eye

For shame is what I feel as I cry these horrid tears

The type of tears that I’ve cried silently for years

The hurt so powerful, it lives inside me

Slowly eating away at my sanity

I carry this pain, this hurt, this distrust

Like a soldier carries his bags in Iraq

How can I love while crying these silent tears?

How can one person live with so much pain?

All I could do was cry

Cry for you

Cry for me

Cry for the world

No one can see these tears

They are buried deep inside

Incognito

Silent

Invisible

These silent tears I cry so much

Till I have ran out of tears to cry

 

My Mistakes

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

I say I’m sorry, but is it enough

I apologize, but is it sincere

Friendships redeemed through difficult times

But do I deserve such forgiveness

I hurt you

I hurt everyone

My intent was not as he seemed to be portrayed

Maybe I tried too hard to fit

This puzzle piece is so hard to place

Maybe I pushed too hard for companionship

So the lonely days could just fade away

Maybe I’m too nice, too humble, and too genuine

The man that I am is so ashamed

My mother would be disgraced to find

Such atrocities committed by a man she fashioned to be better than the rest

My sincere apologies for my fatal flaw

That broke the bonds of trust and friendship

Please believe me when I say

That these words written are meant to be uttered

To a willing ear, an open mind and a forgiving heart

Yes, I did the dirty deeds

Not physically but mentally, but it’s just as bad

Please forgive me for my sinning heart

And give me a chance to prove my worth

A chance to prove that I am that man I was meant to be

My mistake

A lonely heart