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Tag Archives: depression

Quarter-Life Crisis


 

 

 

Many of us go through it both men and women, but I can only speak from a male’s point of view. This disaster that I am just now starting to recover from, this “Quarter-Life Crisis” is an essential point in a person’s life. It usually occurs in the mid 20’s, right around the time your life is just starting to come together. The many pains and pressures you encounter are just phases of growth, but in your mind it’s close to the end of the world.

The financial, emotional, mental stressors that are constantly bombarding you, will drive you insane, but for good reason. These are but test of your will and your ability to handle certain aspects of life. Some turn to unsavory activities in order to cope (mine was alcohol) but these influences only make the situation worse, sometimes prolonging your recovery. Yes, this is the time where people tend to try to rush into life heart first, not thinking, but acting on impulse, much like a child.

From marriage, to children, to college, careers and etc, you’re on a constant move trying to achieve it all in as short a time as possible. Somewhere in all of this craziness, our brain says I’m done and starts the process of slowing down, but your body didn’t get the message. So you crash and things start to fail or so you think. In your mind now, you’re moving too fast and you still have a lot of young life to live. Partying, clubbing, drinking and the like, you start to lose your focus on the important things you were rushing after. So now your life is at a crossroads, you can’t find a balance, but in reality you can. You just have to remember to take things slowly and don’t try to tackle life all at once.

Marriage can wait; you need to establish yourself anyway before inviting someone else in. If you have children, as I do, you have to incorporate them into your future, many of the things you wanted to do will have to take a back seat, but not all the way back. The first opportunities to dream chase you get take hold of it and don’t let go. Involve that little one in the process; it makes it more rewarding and fun. Quarter-Life crisis aren’t Mid-Life crises, because most times you don’t have the cash to go splurge on things, you’re having enough trouble filling the fridge or your tank. It is important, because it teaches you to slow down and really figure out what it is you are doing.

The most important thing is recovering; all of those bad habits you continued or picked up, you have to slowly drop. Around this age health issues start and in order to nip them in the bud, slowing down on drinking, quitting smoking and not going out so much help you to focus on important things. Getting your finances in order is #1 because without good credit, you spend more and things are less accessible to you. Also if you’re trying to have a long term relationship and marriage, finances is an important thing to have handled, that way you focus more on love than whose debt is whose. You’re also setting a great example for your children when it comes to handling money. They’ll hopefully grow into fiscally responsible adults themselves as a result of your teachings.

The Quarter-Life crisis isn’t the end of the world, it is the beginning of more rewarding and challenging times and because you survived this, you have a great chance of handling your business in the future.

 

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My life currently


I once contemplated how my life is going
So many tears inside that continue growing
Feel like I’m living my life as a dead man
My emotions exploding like bombs in the sand
I once sat and contemplated how my life would be
If I woulda have grown to know my fucking daddy
I say fuck love and everything about that shit
It never gave me nothing but heartaches and shit
My mind thinking hard about a better day
I wonder if God will let me stay another day

 

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Truth is


 

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

 

Truth is, for the longest time I’ve had a heavy heart

Filled with expectations not of my own

I never fronted

I was always me

I just kept inside what I really felt

Truth is I hate most things

Truth is I wake in the morning and ask why

Not a day goes by, that there isn’t someone I want to hurt

The same way I hurt daily

Why you ask, do I feel that way?

I myself don’t know and it only adds to the pain

I’m not a very good friend

Nor am I the best spouse

I’m selfish and self centered

I hate the word love

There are times where I question my faith

Because in reality where has it really gotten me

Through it all I had a smile as fake as faux leather

As fake as Fox News

Truth is I hate Republicans

Because they represent everything I really hate.

I wish I didn’t feel this way, but it seems there is no choice

When people give me words of encouragement, I dismiss it

No way can that positive thing you said could happen to me

I stick with the negative

Cause it’s as real as most bastards claim to be

Ya’ll created a monster, that can’t be silenced even by a bullet

Somehow I still survive

Somehow I still prosper

I don’t try, cause I wonder what is it truly worth

I’m working my way to a cold grave

Where nothing I did on earth matters

So why try to deny the fact

Impress you

Why bother

Love you I think not

Cause in the end

The truth is

Not real either

 

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Lost my Mind


 

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

 

Leave me alone so I can write this rhyme

This shits been stuck in my mind

For too long

Too long to tell time

Passing ever so slowly

The way I’m being tortured you’d think I committed a crime

Damn man I’m just trying to get mine

But these fuckers eating up my time

Tick tock

There goes that golden clock

Telling me to go kick rocks

Big rocks at Gibraltar

Rocking her boat like hurricane season

God please give me a reason

Why I continue to exist in this form

Is it me or is it destiny

Fulfilled

I lost my mind

And this time

The rebirth of a revolution is evident

 

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A Slight Shade of Blue


 

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

 

Reveling in their true nature

A history of sadness

Embodied by emotions to strong to physically comprehend

But you try

Failing and failing again

But failing isn’t the end; it is but a buildup of half successes

Oh these weary blues

Emotions from which songs derive

Coursing through the soul

The only way to truly understand

Those days when the world has tilted to the negative

Inside the bad good always arises

To reclaim our spirits

But we’ll always have that slight shade of blue

So as to appreciate when the sun shines upon our face

 

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Stolen from Happiness


By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

I’ve lost inspiration sitting in these drab hills

Sun baked mountains void of life

Here I sit to rest a spell, before I maybe sweat my last sweat

My mind is a maze of confusion and ideas

Too jumbled to write this short little tale

My mind is tired, my body weary

Sick of jive bullshit and blatant ignorance

If I could fathom a better time

Beyond these dry and dusty trails

Where I’d lay my head upon the softest feather

To breathe the breath of a distant loved one

Or just be in a familiar and comforting place

But the powers that be impede on my happiness

Stripping from me my link to the outside

I am cut from the cusp of reality

Stolen from happiness

 

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The Fallen


 

 

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

From grace I fell into the depths of hell

Down into the desolate valley of lost souls

Scratch the surface of me and you’ll find a failure

Failure in a sense that I’ve given up on a solution

Given up on hope

The white flag is flown above my head

Showing the world my embarrassment and demeaning spirit

I give up trying to understand or be understood

Trying to fix a broken system, being constantly destroyed by ignorance and poor planning

But I know time is on my side

How much? I have no clue

The time of others will run out

And no longer will they torture my soul with piercing eyes and sharp tongues

Time is a beautiful thing

Time is on my side, yes, it is!!!

So I sit and wait patiently

But my patience is running thin

 

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