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Sometimes as a Man I Cry


Sometimes as a man I cry
Not because I’m sensitive
But it seems I take alot on these days
The pressures of being a young, single black father
To a beautiful little black girl
It seems I fail even when I try in some eyes
But I succeed, even when I have nothing
Because she has everything I give, I’m rich
Not in a monetary sense
But I’m rich with life
Filled to the brim with joy
But sometimes as a man I cry
Not because I’m sensitive
Because in this world I’m a target
A young black soldier with potential
My enemies are both foreign and domestic
I’m more worried about the domestic
They see me as a criminal ready to dine and dash
As a nigger with no class
As a nigga that’s quick to act an ass
I’m but a man
Someones brother, father, son and friend
Because of that everything else drifts outta away like sand in the desert
But sometimes as a man I cry
Not because I’m sensitive
Sometimes a woman wants the softer side
A man that loves, cares and tries
To be her all
But I don’t think they truly know what they want
But neither do I so who am I to judge
I’m but a man among millions, living in this land with a plan.
I’ll admit that sometimes as a man I cry

 

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There Once was a Man


 

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

 

 

There once was a man on a quest for greatness

One thing stood in his way

He spent most his life searching for that one thing that held him back

He’d always blame others for his shortcomings

Losing love and friends along the way

His life was destructive, because he over endulged

He seemed to lack dicipline or be in touch with reality

In his mind he made others happy, but all they really wondered was if he was ok

He’d boast and brag and hide from the truth

But deep inside he longed

He hurt

Thing about hurt is it grows

It consumes

It can destroy

He sat one day

All alone

Thinking of why his life seemed to be in shambles

In a moment of clarity

He saw the truth

The truth was he was his own worst enemy

He was what held him back

He was the other half of his failed relationships

He was the reason for many of his ills

In his search for the truth

He found a startling revelation

Truth seekers often try to find the truth

They have to be prepared to accept it for what it is

He accepted this truth

 

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Tired of Being the Fool


By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

How could you ever walk away?

After all I’ve done for you

Took kindness and made it a useless gesture

Breaking my heart beyond repair

You watched them beat me mentally

Emotionally scarring me

You stood by while they slandered my name

And still I stood by

Still I provided

Still I paved a way

For your success

Your best interest was always mine

But mine was never yours

I was only a way out

A way away from that ghetto you were destined to rot in

The same ghetto I made it out of

You should understand my plight

But that around the way dick was too much to lose

I guess

Mine is just as good

But the next one will get better

Guess I’ll never learn my lesson

Being someone else’s fool

 

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Something Sweet


By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

Oh how I wonder

Oh how it would feel

To gaze upon beauty

Surrounded by grace

You’re tried and true

Hurt by a few

Bad seeds

Spoiling the rest of the batch

You’ve persevered through cat calls from long ago

Telling you unspeakable things

Spreading unthinkable lies

But I see you for you

Not what they say you are

Cause they say what she would say and what he thought

He speaks from the lust in his heart

He wants what he can’t have

But I have it

I have you

She compliments your style in the worse way

We call those haters

Swag fakers whose shine has long dulled

Cause their hearts can’t feel what I feel

Lips can’t taste what I taste

Hands can’t feel what I feel

Appreciating ever sensual detail

Your screams of pleasure vibrate throughout my night

The ears of those near cringe in disgust

But we are pleasured and satisfied

You’re not what they say you are

You’re what she says and what he thinks

To me you’re simple something sweet

 

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My Mistakes


my mistakes

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

I say I’m sorry, but is it enough

I apologize, but is it sincere

Friendships redeemed through difficult times

But do I deserve such forgiveness

I hurt you

I hurt everyone

My intent was not as he seemed to be portrayed

Maybe I tried too hard to fit

This puzzle piece is so hard to place

Maybe I pushed too hard for companionship

So the lonely days could just fade away

Maybe I’m too nice, too humble, and too genuine

The man that I am is so ashamed

My mother would be disgraced to find

Such atrocities committed by a man she fashioned to be better than the rest

My sincere apologies for my fatal flaw

That broke the bonds of trust and friendship

Please believe me when I say

That these words written are meant to be uttered

To a willing ear, an open mind and a forgiving heart

Yes, I did the dirty deeds

Not physically but mentally, but it’s just as bad

Please forgive me for my sinning heart

And give me a chance to prove my worth

A chance to prove that I am that man I was meant to be

My mistake

A lonely heart

 

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Faults of Others


 

broken_heart_by_starry_eyedkid-1

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

What am I but a man?

Not trusted

Unloved

Forever lonely

The faults of my fellow man haunting my mind state

Ruining my chance to enjoy all of life’s fulfillments

The sad story continues to be woven in the tapestry of our existence

Not the man that does you wrong

I’m the one who revitalizes your soul

Not the fellow who hides behind many mask

But whose true face shines through to your heart

My heart is heavy

Bearing the burden of others faults

Instead of just my own

Sifting through the rhetoric trying to find the golden stone of truth

But it’s not found by me

I am the different brotha

Sought for counsel

But not for love

The friend

Not the lover

The scrub gets the beauty of her

I must rebuild her from the broken pieces

Lord how I long to be an exclusive type of love

Free of the shifty nature of fallen love

Totally committed

Never drifting away

The strong bonds of man and woman is what I seek

But instead I travel the lonely road

My salvation put on hold 

 

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From Boys to Men: Thoughts from My Journey


boy-and-man3

 

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.

 

I travel this road alone

For I am a man

A black man facing the bleak realities of today

A world filled with greed and corruption eats away at my prosperity

 

Reposition myself

 

Endless opportunities are afforded to me

For I am a strong brotha from a caring mother

A smooth dude with a jazzy soul

Clinging on the cusp of greatness

 

Swagger like me

 

Inspirational souls from my ancestral past

Keep me grounded on the road to salvation

With the wisdom and insight to take the road less traveled

Past poets live within me pushing me to finish the unwritten masterpiece

 

Spiritual journey

 

I am free as a caged bird spreading my wings on the mountaintop

Fighting adversity to grasp the dream laid forth by my forefathers

Through this pen flow all emotions, knowledge, dreams and realities

Open your eyes, ears and hearts to me

 

Release 

 
 

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