Forming a Deeper Bond

19 Sep

By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.
As we all know, love has no time limit, but at the same time it shouldn’t be rushed! I’ve made this mistake a few times in my life, rushing to have something, rather than taking my time to really know what’s going on. No matter how long you know a person, dating and living with them, gives you a different experience of what they are about and in turn you can form a deeper bond.
As with anything worth having it takes time, patience and a will to want what you seek. Certain things in life we will never be able to get a handle on, no matter how hard we try it’s just no going to work the way we want it to. Everything happens for a reason, I am a firm believer in that aspect of life. When you meet someone that you think is amazing you want to keep and cherish that feeling forever, for fear of losing what you think may be the only good thing left in the world. You’ve been searching for years for someone that completes you, someone who won’t do you wrong. When you finally meet, someone, we often tend to rush into it thinking that person will escape our grasp.
What we need to do is grow with that person, not rush into marriage. Growth in relationships, in my opinion, allows you to form a deeper bond, know both of your strengths and weaknesses, and actually figure out if you are meant to be together forever or just friends. At a certain point in the relationship you should try living together. Living together gets you use to the person, teaches you new things you never knew about the person and further validates whether you two should be a thing.
I went through this, I rushed into marriage, although I knew the person for a long time, I didn’t really know the person. Until I deployed for this second trip to Iraq, our marriage was good, it had its ups and downs, but I feel we could have avoided a lot of petty things and had a lasting marriage if we would have taken the time to really get to know each other and have a proper courtship. Now I am not saying a relationship can’t work because you haven’t went through these things, because it most surely can, but I feel if we just take the time to really get to know that person deeply. It is exciting to learn about a person you truly love, to learn their hopes and dreams, what that person feels, what they believe, little things they do around the house or in their life in general.

In turn interesting discussion and more communication will arise from doing this, you can discuss how you can make each other better, how you both feel about things, and friendly debates on differences in opinion you both have. Getting to know that person deeply is a very personal and you get more out of being with that person, so even if it doesn’t work out, you can always be friends.

Living together before marriage is important because you have to get use to trying to be with that person for the rest of life. You have to get use to certain habits, they way they sleep, eat, etc. After about a year if you can deal with that entire person and you actually enjoy yourself, then you can be with that person for the rest of time. You grow closer, you are able to adapt to changes because you have already survived the storm, and you are preparing yourself to combine as one.

In conclusion, dating is an important part of relationships; learn all you can about the person you want to be with, family friends, emotions, among other things. Above all enjoy life and take it one step at a time.


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5 responses to “Forming a Deeper Bond

  1. Kristi

    September 20, 2008 at 6:26 am

    I would like to think that if we were all more in tune with who we really are, and what we really want, that we would not need so much time to realize if the person we are with is really “the one” for us. Unfortunately, we have to take the time to make sure that the person we are with is really being themselves, or putting on a facade. I think there is a part of us that when things are not right, we know deep down. We just need to be in touch with that part, that sixth sense, so when it tells us, we know to move on.

  2. tjefferson85

    September 20, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    Your exactly right, it’s that uneasy feeling or sixth sense, that determines how we handle things. Being one with yourself or getting to really know your wants and needs is one of the big problems for many people, no matter what they do in life. Thanks for your take on this subject!

  3. Dating Tips

    September 28, 2008 at 1:20 am

    I’ve rushed into marriage one too many times. Marriage should be a decision for life, I agree with you. Not the kind of thing one should rush into.

  4. SlimLady21

    October 3, 2008 at 12:31 am

    TJ I agree with both you and Kristy. Living with a person takes you to a whole different ball game. It not just about putting up with the things they do it about if you can actually stand it for the rest of your lives. The key is make sure that you are truly happy with that person no matter what, if you are not you are lying to that person and more importantly you are lying to yourself. Nice insight TJ.

  5. Da Vinci

    January 23, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Pretty Valid Points here, I think living together can be good and bad if you do it too long before getting married.

    I just think in general people need to practice patience and REALLY think about what they’re getting themselves into…Marriage should be forever and if more people didn’t use divorce as a remedy they may think harder before getting married in the first place.


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